A Look Back
by JessieBess
Summary: Twenty years after Sybil left Downton, Cora and Sybil reflect on the past. One year ago today I published this my first story. To mark the occasion I've written a new chapter.
1. Chapter 1

She had felt melancholy all day although nothing had happened that day to make her feel so discontent. It was a day indistinguishable from any other day; nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Maybe that was the problem.

She knew she should feel happy. After all these years she still loved her husband although it was no longer the deep passionate love of her youth but rather a familiarity and contentment. Both of them were healthy in spite their advancing years. Despite their financial problems they were still in the place she had called home for almost 50 years.

But those financial problems had taken a toll. They had lost the London town house and a great deal of the estate's land and other properties. The number of servants was vastly reduced. She no longer had the luxury of a personal lady's maid. Breakfast was no longer taken on a tray while lounging in her bed. They still changed clothes for dinner but it was no longer the gowns or tails of yesteryear. Thank heavens Violet or Carson hadn't lived to see that.

But it was the personal relationships that had suffered more greatly. Robert and Matthew often clashed over how to best handle their financial problems and these clashes had left a strain on their relationship. Although she would never tell Robert, or for that matter anyone, she was glad that it was Matthew that usually prevailed. She feared that if it had been left to Robert their current situation would be worse. After all, it was Robert who had lost her fortune.

As great as the strain was between Robert and Matthew, the strain between Mary and Matthew was even greater, and to Cora, sadder. Their love that had once been so bright now seemed faded. Of all of them, Mary had the hardest time adjusting to their situation. It was she who still wanted to carry on as if nothing had ever changed. It was she who wanted to still wear the latest fashions, who had resisted most the idea of no longer wearing such formal clothes for dinner. It was Mary who wanted to maintain all the old traditions and the pretense of an endless fund of money to live a lifestyle no longer affordable or feasible.

It didn't help that Edith had married a wealthy merchant. While not of the peerage, he was able to give Edith all the material possessions she wanted and, like her sister, Edith wanted so much if only to show up her sister.

Even today her beloved ten year old grandson Ben couldn't cheer her up. The younger son of Mary and Matthew was Cora's favorite grandchild. She knew she shouldn't have favorites but Ben was the only one that was truly a joy to be around. She found Edith's two daughters too shallow and prissy. Mary's daughter and older son had too much of Mary's haughtiness and snobbery. Ben was the only one of her grandchildren that was sweet-natured, kind, and generous. He reminded her so much of Sybil.

Sybil. If Cora was honest with herself, she knew that was why she was so discontent today. Today was Sybil's birthday. It had been 20 years since she had celebrated a birthday with Sybil. It had been 20 years since that awful night. That night when Sybil and the chauffer had told the family of their love and their plans to marry. The night when Robert threw Sybil out of the house. The night when the Crawley's disowned Sybil and banned her from Downton as long as she was with the chauffer.

Cora took the faded photograph wrinkled by handling out of her nightstand. It was the last one she had of Sybil, a candid photograph showing a laughing Sybil with the wind gently blowing her hair. The tears fell down Cora's cheeks as she lovingly looked at the photograph. "Oh my baby. My beautiful baby. I am so sorry" cried Cora.

In a small cottage on the Irish coast, much laughter could be heard coming from the group sitting around the dining table. The remains of a chocolate cake sat on the table. Looking at her youngest daughter's chocolate smeared face, Sybil smiled as she said it was bedtime. This was met with some groans but Sybil held fast.

"I'll get Claire and Emma ready for bed if the boys finish the dishes" volunteered Aislin. Before either boy could complain, Aislin continued "remember it's our birthday gift to Ma that she have a day of no chores."

"Well in that case, I think I'll take your Ma for a walk on the beach." Tom said as he rose from the table picking up the half full bottle of wine.

Turning to Sybil, he said "My love, would you care to finish this bottle while sitting on the beach looking at the moon and stars?"

As Sybil sat on the blanket with Tom's arm wrapped around her shoulder drawing her close, she reflected on her birthday. It was a surprise when Tom suggested they spend a few days on the coast since they had already taken their holiday in the west of Ireland. Tom had made all the arrangements and found the cottage. The weather had cooperated and was warm and sunny. Today had been a perfect day spent romping on the beach with her family. Although she thought the water was a tad too cold for swimming, the boys and Emma begged her to join them in the water. So while she ventured into the water to join them she found playing in the sand with little Claire much more enjoyable. Tom and Aislin had cooked dinner while Sybil remained on the beach with the other children looking for shells.

She had everything she could have ever wanted, five healthy and happy children, a job she loved, and of course Tom. Those first few years of marriage had been tough but not because she doubted her and Tom's love or her decision to leave Downton. She had had to learn so much – how to shop for food, how to cook, how to clean a house. It had taken her far longer than she ever thought to find a nursing job and Tom's job didn't pay much. After spending all day at the newspaper, Tom often worked in the evening or on weekends at a garage just to put food on their table. Their tiny flat was so cold in the winter it's a wonder one of them didn't die of pneumonia . But when Sybil thought of those days, she most often thought of how their love had blossomed, of the evenings spent in front of the fire curled up with each other reading or discussing Tom's writings or the situation in Ireland and how most of those evenings ended with them making love whether in front of that fire or buried deep in the blankets of their bed.

But they had prospered. Tom still worked for the newspaper but also wrote articles for various magazines published not only in Ireland but England and America as well and the only car he worked on was his own. She had risen to a nursing supervisor and taught some classes for student nurses. They now lived in a large beautiful house in a nice area of Dublin. While little Claire would just be starting school, their oldest daughter, Aislin, would go to university in the next term. She would be the first Branson to attend university.

Looking up at the brightly shining moon and star lit night with Tom's arm draped around her, Sybil felt such contentment. Turning to face the man she loved so deeply she smiled "Thank you Tom. For this holiday. For this life."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: I had written what I considered a one-shot quite some time before I finally posted it. It was the first story I ever posted. At that time, I had no intention of writing a follow-up to that but the reviewers all commented that they would like to see Cora and Sybil meeting. I still didn't consider doing so until just this week. There are just two chapters. I'll post the second next week.**_

It was one of those cold dreary winter days, a day for staying inside sitting near the fireplace. Mary thought it was the perfect time to go through some of those boxes she and Matthew had found when they cleared out Crawley House.

Mary couldn't believe it had been over two years since Isobel died. She had often thought that the indomitable Isobel would outlast both her and Matthew. It had surprised Mary how deeply she mourned when Isobel died. She thought she had heard a saying about how sometimes you don't realize a person's worth until they're gone. For Mary, that was certainly true about Isobel.

It had taken a couple of months before Matthew was willing to clear out Isobel's house. There had been lots of tears and just as much laughter as Matthew and Mary reminisced while sorting through a life time of possessions. Mary thought that though Crawley house now had no visible sign of Isobel having ever graced its rooms, it would forever be Isobel's house.

After several days of working through Isobel's things, Matthew had decided to put off going through several boxes of what on first glance looked like old letters, photographs, and such. He knew they didn't contain any important documents like bills or a will that needed immediate attention. So the boxes had been brought to Downton and stored in an unused room and untouched until now.

The first box Mary looked at contained photographs of Matthew's childhood. After looking at a few of the photos, Mary thought it would be fun to go through these with Matthew.

The next box had several newspaper pages on top some of which were quite old and faded. They were from a variety of newpapers, The Manchester Guardian, The Irish Times, The New York Times. Mary couldn't imagine why in the world Isobel had saved them.

That is until she lifted them out of the box and saw what was beneath. Then she looked back at the torn newspaper pages and saw the name. A name that had not been uttered in this house for over 20 years. A name that made Mary's heart quicken as she closed the box.

Mary found Matthew at his desk in his office. Unlike her father who liked to work at a desk in the library, Matthew had taken one of the former bedrooms to use as his office. It was a corner room with windows overlooking one of Downton's gardens. It was a quiet room where Matthew could work without being disturbed by the noises of his children or the servants.

Mary didn't bother to knock before she threw open the door. "Did you know your mother kept in contact with Sybil?"

Matthew looked up from his desk to see his wife looking upset. He immediately looked out the window and sighed. "Yes I knew."

"All these years and you never said anything. How could you?" Mary cried out. "How could you keep this from me?"

Matthew looked closely at Mary's anguished face. What could he say? What should he say?

He rose and went to hold his wife but she stepped back from his embrace. "Tell me Matthew why did you keep this a secret? She's my sister."

"Yes a sister. A sister that was thrown out of this house. A sister that was told she could never come back as long as she was with him." Matthew realized his voice was a little too loud. "Not one of you stood up to him. You all let Robert bellow at them and say all sorts of vile things. She didn't deserve that."

"As I recall you were also in that room. You and Lavina. I didn't hear you say anything." Mary roared right back.

Matthew looked as if Mary had struck him. He turned and again looked out the window without seeing anything beyond this room. Finally he quietly said, "I've always regretted that but at the time I didn't think it was my place to say anything. I wasn't really a part of this family."

Mary, with tears streaming down her face, didn't say word. Instead she turned and ran out of the room.

Matthew sat heavily down in the arm chair. He could remember that night like it was last week not over twenty years ago. They had all been shocked that Sybil was in love with the chauffeur and was going to marry him. But as shocking as that was, it was Robert's response that chilled Matthew. He couldn't believe that Robert would really disown Sybil. He thought that the next day or shortly thereafter, Robert would calm down and reluctantly accept Sybil's decision. But at the time Matthew didn't realize how aristocratic society really operated.

During the season which happened shortly after Sybil left, Matthew was appalled at the comments he heard regarding Sybil. Kind, sweet, warm-hearted Sybil was depicted variously as a harlot, a nurse whose idea of nursing was offering physical comforts, or a naïve girl who allowed herself to be seduced by a chauffeur. To hear the gossip she had brought shame upon not only herself but her family. One night of "the season" was all Matthew could bear.

Matthew opened one of his desk drawers and removed an envelope. It contained the letter Sybil had written to him after Isobel's death. Of all the cards and notes he had gotten, Sybil's was the one that brought the most comfort to him. Sybil obviously thought highly of Isobel and seemed to know her almost as well as Matthew. Sybil's letter was touching and heartfelt and Matthew was grateful that Isobel and Sybil had stayed in touch.

It was also the only direct contact he had ever had with Sybil in these past twenty years. While his mother had shared some photographs that Sybil had sent and sometimes discussed her with him, the only contact he had initiated with Sybil was when he sent the note telling her Isobel had died. He knew that his mother had continued writing to Sybil when she learned of her illness and that her death was not a shock to Sybil.

Later that afternoon Mary found her mother in her upstairs sitting room.

"Mama, do you ever think about Sybil?" Mary quietly asked.

Cora stood and walked over to one of the windows. She spent a few minutes looking out at the grounds of Downton.

"Mama"

Cora turned to Mary with tears in her eyes. "I wonder if she's happy. I wonder of the kind of life she's had. At Christmas or New Year's or other holidays I wonder if she's celebrating. On her birthday I …" Cora paused as the tears rolled down her face. "I think of her every day."

Mary then proceeded to tell her mother about Isobel's box that contained cards, letters, and photographs. She pulled out a photograph from her pocket.

"This is from Christmas two years ago."

Cora took the photograph from Mary's outstretched hand. She stared at the photograph with her hand running over it. Sybil looked as beautiful as the day she left Downton. She and Branson were sitting on a couch with his arm around Sybil's shoulder. Cora hadn't remembered Branson as being so handsome. Sitting on Sybil's lap was a child that looked about four years old. She was the spitting image of her mother at that age. Standing to Sybil's side was an older girl while another girl was standing to Tom's side. Two boys were kneeling on the floor in front in their parents. For the first time ever she saw five grandchildren she never knew existed.

"Do you know their names?" Cora asked so softly that Mary strained to hear her.

"No. But there's quite a few more photographs in the box and the letters and cards which I haven't looked at." Mary replied.

Cora and Mary spent the rest of the day going through the box. It seemed that every Christmas, Sybil had sent Isobel a photograph of her family. Some had obviously been taken earlier in the year such as at picnics or on outings to the beach. But there were also photographs of each of the children at various ages as well as some of Sybil or Tom with one or more the children. _Aislin … Aedan … Eogan … Emma … Claire_. Cora studied each picture carefully. Sybil's children. Her grandchildren. Lives that until now she never knew existed.

Judging from the earliest photographs Aislin was now probably around 17. She was the spitting image of her mother as was the littlest girl Claire. The other three looked much more like their father. But all were good looking and looked happy and healthy.

As she looked at the photographs, tears filled Cora's eyes until she finally started crying. "I've missed so much."

Cora devoured each letter with no feeling of guilt for reading someone else's letters. She was hurt that Isobel had never hinted in any way that she was in contact with Sybil. She felt that as a mother Isobel should have known how much these photographs would have meant to her. But if she was honest with herself, why should Isobel have felt that? Cora herself had never mentioned Sybil's name to anyone since that fateful night.

"I'm going to Ireland." Cora said before she finished reading all the letters.

"Papa …" Mary began before Cora sharply cut her off.

"I don't care what your father says or thinks. I listened to him twenty years ago and lost my daughter." Mary had never heard her mother sound so defiant.

"I now have a chance to make up for that."

Once Cora made up her mind nothing could deter her. She refused to tell Robert of her plans or that she had even discovered the letters and photographs. She told him she was meeting American friends visiting southern England. Only Mary knew she was going to Ireland. While Mary begged her mother to let her come along, Cora declined. She needed to make amends to Sybil and thought it would be best to do so alone.

Two weeks later Cora was in Dublin. A car and driver hired through her hotel easily delivered Cora to the address shown on one of the letters addressed to Isobel. She sat in the car staring at the house collecting her thoughts.

Cora had been unsure what to expect. Sybil's neighborhood seemed prosperous. The wide tree-lined street had an assortment of large detached and semi-detached homes. Sybil's house was a large brick semi-detached home with a small well-tended front garden. There was a driveway on the side of it which led to garage. White lace curtains graced the oversized bay windows on either side of the large front door. It looked like a well-cared for home of a successful businessman.

Taking a deep breath, Cora finally exited the car. As she approached the front porch, Cora realized her hands her shaking. She took a few deep breaths and then rang the bell.

The door was answered by the young child Cora recognized as Sybil's youngest, Claire. Although she knew from the photographs the child looked like her mother, Cora was still not prepared for the sight before her. She felt she had been transported back in time and was looking at a six year old Sybil. Tears filled Cora's eyes.

The child even had Sybil's smile but there was no mistaking the Irish accent. "Hello" said the curious child.

When Cora was unable to speak, the child asked "Has the cat got your tongue?"

Finally collecting herself, Cora took a deep breath, smiled generously, and responded "No. You just remind me of another child I knew. Is your mama here?"

The child looked bewildered. "Mama?" she asked hesitantly.

"I mean your mother. May I see your mother."

Before the child could respond, a petit older woman came to the door. "Who is it Claire?"

Claire opened the door wide enough for the other woman to see Cora. "This lady wants to see mummy" she said before scampering away.

"I'd like to see Sybil. Sybil Branson." Cora told the woman who continued to stare at her.

From somewhere in the house, Cora heard a voice she hadn't heard in twenty years. "Ma, who's at the door?"

The woman finally nodded to Cora and said tartly "I'll see if she's in" and shut the door.

Cora felt she waited an eternity before the door was finally opened and she looked into the face of her long lost beloved daughter.


	3. Chapter 3

Both Cora and Sybil stood still looking intently at the other. Cora broke the spell when she stepped forward to hug Sybil but Sybil quickly stepped out of Cora's reach.

Sybil took a deep breath. "I didn't think Ma was right when she said it was you" she finally managed to whisper.

Cora was perplexed. Who was Ma? It must be the woman who had come to the door. "Ma?"

"Tom's mother" Sybil answered. "My mother-in-law. She knew when she saw you who you were."

Realizing that they were still standing on the porch Cora asked "Sybil, please may I come in?"

But Sybil didn't move. She gave no hint that she had even heard Cora. "Why are you here?"

"Please Sybil" Cora pleaded as she once again raised her arm to touch Sybil's. "Can we sit down somewhere and talk?"

Before Sybil could answer Mrs. Branson appeared in the doorway. Putting her hand protectively on Sybil's back she gently asked "Is everything alright dear?"

Sybil turned to look at her mother-in-law's concerned face. "Ma, this is … this is my … mother."

Cora winced at Sybil calling the other woman "Ma" but she held out her hand "Mrs. Branson."

Although she didn't take her hand, Mrs. Branson nodded at Cora. "Sybil, maybe you and your … mother … should go into the library." Cora could hear the scorn in the other woman's voice when she said mother but she was grateful that the woman did suggest to Sybil that they should talk inside the house.

"Of course" Sybil replied. She held the door open and allowed Cora to enter the house.

The door opened into a large foyer with a wide staircase leading to the second floor. An open arched doorway on the left led to the sitting room while a hallway between the sitting room and the stairway led to the back of the house from which Cora could hear children's voices. Sybil turned to her right and opened a closed door which led into the library. She held the door opened and nodded for Cora to enter the room.

Cora was surprised at the room she found herself in. Two walls were lined from floor to ceiling with wooden shelves holding some framed photographs but mostly books. The far wall had a stone fireplace with two comfortable looking dark green arm chairs and an ottoman facing it. A large wooden desk filled in the area formed by the bay window. The opposite corner held a small table and two child sized chairs. It was an inviting room with the dark wooden walls accented by the light green paint of the other walls. While nowhere near as large as the Downton library, the room looked well used and lovingly cared for. It also looked, unlike the Downton library, like a room for people who loved books and took pleasure in reading.

Sybil closed the door behind her. "Please sit."

While Cora sat in one of the arm chairs, Sybil remained standing, leaning against the desk.

"Twenty years. It's been twenty years. Why? How?" Sybil began but didn't seem to know what to say.

"Mary just found some boxes that Isobel had left. One box contained cards and letters and photographs from you. Your address was on one of the envelopes."

When Sybil made no response, Cora continued. "I have thought about you every day Sybil. When I saw the photographs, it was like a gift from heaven. I knew then I had to find you. I have regretted every day since you left."

"Since you threw me out" Sybil corrected her. "You and papa made it quite clear I was not welcomed back if I left with Tom."

Cora swallowed hard. "I can't take back what was said. I can't change what was said. We were surprised but I know that is no excuse."

"No it isn't. You valued society over me. You chose society over me." Sybil continued mockingly "You won't be accepted in the finest houses. You cannot attend the season. You won't be accepted at court"

"Sybil … please" Cora pleaded. "Please let me make amends. I've lost the last twenty years of your life but I want to be a part of it now. Give me a chance. I want to know your children … my grandchildren."

"Know your grandchildren?" Sybil asked incredulously. "You expect to know my children when you despise their father?"

"I don't despise their father. I don't really know him."

"And who's fault is that? You didn't give him a chance. You didn't want to know him."

"Sybil …"

"He's a good man. A wonderful man. All you and papa cared about was a man that was wealthy or titled and not whether or not I'd be happy. But then what should I have expected from one who married for a title and one who married for money?"

"I loved your father Sybil." Cora countered.

"Maybe" Sybil responded "but he loved your money."

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation. "Sybil you have a phone call from the hospital."

Sybil opened the door to find Mrs. Branson holding a tea tray. "I'm sorry but they said it was urgent."

Sybil nodded "I have to take this call" and left the room.

Mrs. Branson brought the tea tray in and sat it on the ottoman. "Please help yourself" she said before turning to leave the room.

"Mrs. Branson" Cora called before the woman could leave. "I know I can't take back what happened but I want a fresh start with Sybil and Tom."

Mrs. Branson looked at Cora trying to make up her mind whether or not to say anything but Mrs. Branson wasn't known for withholding her thoughts.

"I wasn't happy when Tom came here with her. She wasn't what I wanted for my son. Protestant. English. Aristocrat. But I love my son. I wasn't willing to lose him so for his sake I accepted her. I won't lie, it wasn't easy on either of us in the beginning but I came to love her."

"I am proud of my son. He's a good man and a wonderful husband and father. You never gave him a chance. You never saw him as a man only as a servant. Sybil is a lovely woman and I saw why my son fell in love with her. Your family valued money and society over her. I will never understand how you could give her up. She was your flesh and blood … your daughter."

Before Cora could respond, Mrs. Branson walked out of the room shutting the door behind her.

If Sybil had walked into Downton, Cora would have welcomed her with open arms. She had come to Dublin expecting Sybil to be happy to see her. Maybe not as welcoming as Cora would have been if the situation was reversed but happy not the less. Although Mary had tried to warn her, she didn't think Sybil would have such bitterness. She never thought sweet, kind-hearted Sybil was even capable of such bitterness. Was it too late? Had it been too long? Cora did remember that not once in the cards and letters to Isobel she had read did Sybil ask about any of her family.

Cora's reverie was broken when Sybil finally returned.

"I'm sorry but I have to leave. The hospital needs me."

"So you're still a nurse?"

"Yes. There's been a severe flu going around and the hospital is short of nurses right now."

Cora stood. "And what of us?"

Sybil remained silent while Cora could tell she was thinking. Before Sybil could say anything Cora volunteered "I know this was sudden … my showing up here unannounced. Maybe I should have written first to get you used to the idea. But I didn't want to wait. It's already been too long …

"What if we meet for lunch tomorrow? Where are you staying?" Sybil interrupted Cora somewhat harshly.

Cora told her and they made plans to meet at a particular restaurant at noon.

"Can I meet the children before I go?" Cora inquired.

Sybil shook her head. "I need to settle my mind first. They don't know you exist." Cora's face crumbled at Sybil's words.

Cora ran to the waiting car. She sat down and burst into tears. She pulled the picture out of her purse. How could she be this close yet so far away.

Sybil didn't return home till almost eleven. Tom was waiting up for her. His mother had told him about Cora's visit and he wanted to talk to Sybil about it.

Sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea, Sybil looked totally exhausted.

"I'm not sure what I want Tom. After all this time I never expected to see or hear from any of them. It's been so long since I've even thought of them."

Tom let Sybil ramble on. "I stopped missing them a long time ago. I've had you and the children and your family and my work. Our life together has been everything I've wanted."

"What does your mother want?" Tom asked while gently rubbing Sybil's feet.

"She seems to think we can just pick up like the last twenty years don't matter. But I'm not really sure. We didn't have much time before the hospital called."

As they had faced everything in their marriage, Tom and Sybil talked for a couple of hours about the situation. Their marriage was truly one of a partnership. While Tom voiced his opinions and was a good sounding board for Sybil, he stated that in this situation they would do what Sybil wanted for it was her family.

Cora was already waiting at the restaurant when Sybil and Tom walked in.

It was an awkward moment in their greetings not only for Cora and Tom but Cora and Sybil as well. In the end Tom shook Cora's hand while Sybil only nodded when greeting her.

The trio exchanged small talk regarding Cora's hotel and Dublin while perusing the menu. After their orders were taken, Cora decided to plunge it.

"It may be hard for you to believe but I do love you Sybil and I never stopped loving you. I would give anything to change the past but we can't so we have to decide how to go forward now. I want to be a part of your lives. I want to know you Tom. I want to know your children. I am willing to do it on whatever terms you want."

Cora continued "If you can't forgive me then I will have to accept that. But at least I have seen that you are well and happy and that does please me so much and gives me so much comfort."

"Why shouldn't I be happy? You thought I'd be living in poverty? That I'd be regretting my decision?" Sybil snapped.

Silence settled over the group before Sybil talked "It took me a long time to accept Tom's proposal because I had to be sure I could give up that life and I was afraid of losing my family. A family I loved very much. I knew you would not be happy with my decision but I guess I thought that in the end you would accept it. I realize now I could have prepared you better. Maybe I … we … shouldn't have just sprung it on you all."

"We can't erase those years. You didn't see me on my wedding day. You will never know the joy of when I gave birth to each of my children or see them as babies or young children. In fact, Aislin is no longer a child but a young woman going to university. You missed out on so much."

Sybil finally paused. "If you come to the house this evening you can meet them."

Cora couldn't contain her joy at hearing those words. For the first time in twenty years, mother and daughter hugged. And then for the first time ever, mother-in-law and son-in-law hugged.

Sybil never did return to Downton. Nor did she and Robert ever make amends. But Cora visited Dublin several times a year for the rest of her life and on those visits she stayed at Sybil's and Tom's house.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: When I originally posted this story I envisioned it as a one-shot. Then I later added two chapters and marked it complete. But to mark my one year anniversary of writing I wanted to go back to my first published story and this is it, so I had to come up with another chapter. Dedicated to the real Jessie who encouraged me to write and continues to do so Mahalo me ke aloha.**_

His words may have been spoken in haste, without thought, for he was totally unprepared for her action.

Marriage!

To the chauffeur!

How could she imagine he would accept this . . . even from her? She knew the rules of their lot, she was one of them. Ladies of the house did not marry servants at least not if they wanted to maintain their place in the family and in society.

But did she think that he wouldn't adhere to their social world, that he wouldn't want to lose her, that she knew how much he loved her. And love her he did; in fact she was his favorite daughter. He knew he shouldn't, wouldn't, admit that but it was true. From the moment she was born, when he first held her and she opened those bright blue eyes, so like her mother's, and smiled at him, yes he would swear it was a smile, he knew that she was the one that would be the light of his life.

With each birth he had wanted a son. No, he needed a son to inherit this vast estate, to be the next Lord Grantham, the next Earl, to carry on the family name and position as he had done and his father had done and his grandfathers had done. And so with Mary's and then Edith's birth he had been disappointed but he hadn't lost hope for he thought there would be more children.

That it had taken five years for the next pregnancy had been a surprise to both him and Cora. But this time the disappointment he had dissolved the moment he held his newborn daughter and she gave him that smile.

Whenever he thought of her, when he pictured her, it was that smile that was foremost. Unlike her sisters, Sybil was a very happy baby always smiling and cooing. He loved that after she learned to walk, she would toddle into the library and make a beeline for him, holding out her hands to let him know she wanted him to pick her up and she would sit happily on his lap while he talked to her or read to her. It was probably the only times that as a child Sybil was contended to stay seated. It wasn't just children's stories she loved but also maps and pictures she enjoyed. The pictures could be of anything animals, clothes, trees, flowers, it didn't seem to matter to her. As he would say what the picture was she would imitate him, point to the object and say red poppy or blue sky or palm tree or whatever it was.

She was never moody or gloomy. Oh she could be headstrong and stubborn there was no doubt of that but she was never selfish or mean spirited. Of his three daughters she was the one that most made him laugh, she was the one that would follow him around the estate, she was the one that was the easiest to love.

He had thought she would reconsider her decision when she realized what it cost her but she had gone to Ireland anyway leaving behind a family to grieve for a lost child. He had thought she would reconsider her decision after spending a few weeks in Ireland seeing what her decision meant … a life of poverty … a hated Englishwoman in an alien land.

He was so sure she'd come back. He knew she was stubborn so, after getting the address of Branson's home from Carson, he swallowed his pride and sent a letter to her telling her he missed her and that he would welcome her back to the family, welcome her back to Downton but she had to come alone.

In reply she sent an invitation to the wedding.

* * *

Like her husband, Cora was shocked when Branson strode into the drawing room that night and he and Sybil announced their intentions. Unlike her husband she might have accepted the situation, after all the man was going to be a journalist, and the Americanism in her believed every man should have the opportunity to better himself.

That evening in the privacy of their bedroom, she pleaded with her husband to reconsider. Did he really want to lose their darling daughter? He countered that he couldn't abide the thought of their chauffeur, the man who been driving them around, the man who had been their servant, sitting down to dinner with the family as if he was one of them.

Sybil had always been a bit rebellious he pointed out. After all wasn't that nursing just another sign of that. Lady Sybil Crawley working as a nurse during the war was one thing but now … now it was just unacceptable … it just wasn't done by their kind.

Cora was a woman of her time or rather she was a woman who had accepted the ways of the English aristocracy which meant she would not contradict her husband. Oh how her mother would be upset with that for Cora's parents had been a team but that was not the way of the Crawleys or their social set.

So Cora, thinking a woman's greatest loyalty was to her husband, watched as her youngest daughter left Downton.

* * *

In the days that followed Cora spent her time in her private upstairs sitting room leaving it only for her bedroom. She did not eat with the rest of her family in the dining room for it would only be a reminder of who wasn't there and she wasn't ready to face that yet.

If she had ventured out of her sitting room she might have found her husband sitting in their youngest daughter's bedroom. The pale yellow walls with the multicolored bed cover and curtains that Sybil had so proudly picked out when she was twelve had made the room one of the sunniest in the house. He had always said it was sunny to match the girl who lived there.

But now he saw no sunshine in the room. He paced up and down the room. He opened the wardrobe doors and stared at the gowns hanging there picturing her in each of them. He had given her the finest of gowns but now they hung here never to be worn again. When he was tired of pacing or standing he'd sit at her vanity and look at the reminders of her … hair ribbons and bows, her jewelry box, her porcelain washbasin with its matching pitcher.

He then realized what was missing besides the obvious, the young woman who should have been here. That night, that awful night, he had told her that before she left she could pack a suitcase. And now as he sat there on the edge of the bed, he noticed what was missing, what she had taken.

Gone was the comb and brush set with the inlaid ivory and the matching hand mirror. He and Cora had given it to her when she was twelve and had moved into this room from the nursery. He opened the jewelry box and saw only a few pieces lying there. He couldn't believe she thought she'd be wearing those diamond and emerald and sapphire pieces in her new life in Ireland. He sat there looking at the almost empty box and then slammed the lid when he realized that man had probably told her to bring her jewelry for them to sell.

Gone also were the two photographs that had sat on her nightstand. One was of Sybil and her sisters, the other of Sybil with him and Cora. Had she taken them for the photographs or for the silver frames?

Ah … was that it … she had taken those things she thought would bring her good money.

But then as he took a closer look around her room he noticed other things that were missing.

Gone was the brightly colored wooden music box that her grandfather Levinson had given her for her sixth birthday which they had celebrated during a visit to New York. She had loved that music box and had driven them crazy playing its music over and over again on the voyage home.

In fact the nightstands were bare except for the lamps. As he looked at the empty nightstand he realized something else that was missing. She had been about seven or eight and they had been reading a book on Asia and Sybil had been so fascinated by the pictures but especially the ones of the elephants. _Can you imagine riding on top of one?_ she had exclaimed. _Look at the baby elephants! Oh Papa do you think I'll ever see a real one?_

The next day he had to go to London on business and quite unusual for Sybil she was upset at his leaving. She had held on to his pants legs and pleaded with him to let her come with him, tears falling down her face as he told her no she couldn't come.

During a break from one of the meetings, he had taken a walk around the area and had come upon a shop that sold what he could only describe as odds and ends. It certainly wasn't the type of shop he would generally go in but something beckoned him in that day and so it was that he saw the elephant. The six inch tall elephant was made of carved ivory and sat on an intricately carved wooden base.

Even now he could picture the smile on her face when she unwrapped the package and feel the hugs she had given him as she thanked him for the unexpected gift. When she had moved into this room, she had placed the figurine in a prominent spot on her nightstand and it had always been here until now.

Tears came to Robert's eyes as he realized she had taken that elephant with her to Ireland. He knew it wasn't to sell it for he knew how much it had meant to her.

Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he cried for the child he had lost. How did that sunny girl with the ready smile and infectious laugh become the young woman so interested in politics and women's rights. How did she become the young woman who was so willing to give up her family and all she knew for some poor Irish lad that spoke of revolution and rebellion. How did his beloved daughter change into someone he didn't know. He hadn't cried like this since Cora's miscarriage and then, like now, he cried for the child he had lost.

* * *

The days turned to weeks and the weeks into months. Soon she had been gone for a year. Then it was two years. Then it was three. Then it was ten.

Neither Robert nor Cora ever admitted out loud or to each other how much they missed her. At Downton it seemed as if Sybil had never existed.

There were still some photographs of her in the library or around the house, photographs in which she was just one of several in the photograph for the ones of just her had been quietly removed. At some point, no one could say exactly when, all of the things remaining in her bedroom had been packed and stored away in the attics although no one knew why such things weren't just disposed of. The sunny yellow walls were repainted a deep lavender with matching floral curtains and bed covers replacing the old ones.

When Mary's daughter, Caroline, moved out of the nursery she moved into this room. She chose it because the windows looked out over the front lawn and she could watch the cars that arrived at Downton. On nights when there were parties, for which she was too young to attend, she would sit at one of the windows and watch the party goers arrive, admiring the women's dresses and dreaming of the day when she could attend such gatherings.

* * *

It had taken over twenty years but Sybil was now back in Cora's life. Cora hadn't been welcomed with hugs and kisses and words of how much she had missed her; in fact Sybil had been rather hesitant on accepting Cora into her life and it had taken a few visits before the awkwardness between the two vanished.

To Cora's surprise it had been Tom that had been most gracious and welcoming but then she hadn't really known him at all. During those years he had been the chauffeur he had always been polite, had always been helpful in carrying shopping parcels or luggage, but there had never really been any conversations between the two. She knew that he read a great deal since Robert had commented on the lad's extensive use of his library and that his choice of reading materials were history and politics and obviously she knew that he was Irish but she didn't know where in Ireland he was from or anything about his family or background or even why he was in England.

It didn't escape Cora's notice that Sybil and Tom's marriage was very different from her own and more like her own parents' marriage. Foremost was that they were partners with neither dominating the other; they talked matters over before deciding a course of action. Both discussed their work with the other and each offered encouragement to the other.

Cora had immediately been taken by Sybil's youngest child. She couldn't get over how much little Claire was the spitting image of Sybil. Sometimes when Cora was with her she felt she had traveled back in time and she thought she was dealing with a six year old Sybil for the child not only looked like her mother but acted like her too with her ready smile, infectious laugh and her curious nature. She seemed to have much of Sybil's personality without the stubbornness. Sometimes it was only the child's Irish lilt that would remind Cora it was not Sybil.

It was only Sybil's oldest child, Aislin, that remained somewhat cold to Cora. The two younger girls weren't really old enough to understand the situation and the two boys weren't really interested in such matters. But Aislin was old enough to know and understand what had happened between Sybil and her family. While she was always polite to Cora, she kept her distance from Cora and never really spent any time with her when Cora visited.

* * *

It had been three years since Cora first went to Ireland. During those years she visited two or three times each year although she never told Robert that was where she was going. Each time she made various excuses usually that an old American acquaintance or cousin was visiting or there was an art exhibit she wanted to see. She knew they were flimsy excuses as did Robert but he never questioned her.

It was only on his deathbed that Robert made any mention at all of Cora's Irish visits.

"Has she had a happy life?" He surprised Cora with his inquiry one evening as she sat at his bedside holding his hand but Cora knew immediately who Robert was talking about.

"Yes she has Robert. She is very happy."

Robert faintly smiled and barely nodded his head, his eyes seemed to focus on something across the room, silence once again enveloped the room. After a few minutes he looked back at Cora. "She was my favorite" his voice barely above a whisper.

He was suddenly racked with coughing. Cora wiped his brow and held his hand tighter. He closed his eyes.


End file.
